Moments

  The rib cage and back pain from the bike wreck were excruciating at times.  Lying down was the worst of times, and the longer one lay down, the more pain and stiffness.  The pain came in spasms, seemingly gripping the whole rib cage to the extent that it made breathing impaired. These were not the best of times, and it seemed doubtful this would ever end.   Night after night, trying to sleep in a recliner imposed a severe sleep deficit. Would this ever end? A couple of weeks went by with little or no relief. Deep breathing and trying to relax against the spasms helped some, and prayer after prayer was desperately offered.  "Lord, please heal me."  The name of Jesus was recited in a sort of chant, but the impetus of the recitation was "Please heal me."  And the spasms continued.   Knowing my natural self,  the thought occurred that if I did get healed, it probably wouldn't be appreciated.   Like the time my father and I g...

    If you did not feel love growing up, it manifests itself later in life by being driven to think you have to earn love. Consequently, we end up caring too much about what others think. We tend to be always trying not to disappoint others.   Y ou are reactive and run from conflict. – The FEAR OF REJECTION dominates every interaction, whether we realize it or not.   This is a close topic for me, which is why I understand it so well.  Later in life now, looking back, I can see this people  pleaser person I let myself be.  How many others out there who spent their life trying to please their father, wishing they would just get one pat on the back, some kind of approval, and acceptance?  How many others have taken this approval deficit and made a lifestyle from it?  Is it any wonder folks like me well up inside when confronted with the unconditional love of God, a God who loves me warts and all, failures, and losses?  A God who ta...

Back injury, back pain, sleepless nights with lots of time to be in reflection;  that's the burden for the past few weeks.  Thoughts of future physical limitations sometimes bring doubt, dread, and fear.  What good can come of this ordeal except to burden my caretaker with loving concern?   Where's the "All things work together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose?" It's here.  I am not ready to cash in my chips just yet.  Consequently, I have prayed and kept God closer during these times than I can ever remember.  God got very real with me.  "I can do all things through Christ that strengenth me," is what I come back to in the night and times of solitary pain.   He is very near, and my faith and hope abide for whatever and wherever He takes me to.  Pain raised my faith threshold.