Moments

  O ftentimes, I just need to talk or share with you, God.  So I write to you now for a multitude of reasons, all of which you know already. And the fact that you know already and see right through me is one of the reasons I write to you:  I will have to be honest.   You w on’t be fooled by lame excuses and half-truths First, I want to thank you. Oh, there are so many things to be thankful for:   so many.   I am especially thankful that you have tenderized my heart to the suffering of others.   It wasn’t this way before.   We both know that this isn’t the me that started out following you.   We both know my caring for others wouldn’t be where it is today if it weren’t for you working within me.     I praise you for that, and I am thankful that you found me worthy of tenderizing.   You have given me the only value I have.   But oh, I have so many rough edges, Lord.  You know  I am not where I  wa...

  Who or what keeps us from following Jesus fully?  From my own experience, I have found that it is often not the negative workings of the devil that keep me from being all in for Jesus.  The devil often uses the good, positive things to turn us aside from following Jesus fully.  As the saying goes, the enemy of the best is the good.  How many good things have prevented me from doing the best thing I can do to follow Jesus fully?   It is easier to avoid the hard choices presented to our faith than to accept the easy road to our friends and acquaintances, where Christian faith is fully accepted.  Can I do the same in a room full of agnostics and atheists who might challenge my faith?  And maybe I won't have all the right rebuttals to represent Jesus well?  Maybe it will be revealed that I have not stayed in the Word enough to confront unbelievers as they challenge my faith.  Maybe not studying more in my faith was the victim of ...

  It is often the case where I don't feel close to God.  Yeah, big admission, isn't it? People might see me as holy, holy yet here it is:  I struggle too.  I'm human. Sometimes my attention in prayer or meditation upon His word and His will for my life, just won't stay in focus..  My heart and mind drifts off to my list of "things to do" or something else much less important than communion with God.  My mind drifts off into my world, not His. This was my plight some time back when I found a prayer spot out in the woods and settled down in the quiet to try to find God.  I prayed.  Nothing. I prayed more, still nothing.  I prayed more, harder and not even close. I sat back in my chair there in the quiet, still and hot woods felt the frustration of not being able to take attention off myself and reach God. For long moments I just sat there sweating in the stillness with no agenda.  It might have been the "no agenda" that began to break the ...

  I can’t say I quite understand it. Interest in almost anything is lacking.   Writing is not doing well. Originality and spontaneity are missed, and I really don’t care about talking to other people like I once did.   The order of the day seems to be just to contemplate.   But, I feel really close to God,   and my life seems to be one long prayer or conversation with Him.   So it can’t be all bad, I suppose. It's a different me.   Cancer, medications, limitations, and life being relegated to mostly medical issues have forged a different me.   With an unknown and/or limited future, it seems harder to get excited about anything, and perhaps I am more prepared than ever to go on to the next world.   There is less of the world and so much quiet time.   I wonder why and what exactly happened.    I wonder too if I have become so internally focused that my interest in other people and worldly issues has waned.   Can I be s...

We will be forgotten.  The things we accomplished will in large part be forgotten.  When the sands of time blow over us, all we considered important can be buried with us.  Who will remember and who will care?  But God has made a way for remembrance.  He knows we can forget so easily.  By our very nature, we are prone to forget.  If it were not so, God would not have left us instructions in remembrance by which we may shape the future from the lessons and accomplishments of the past.   What are our holidays but acts of remembrance?   And, in the Bible, there are numerous calls to remembrance.  For instance, the Passover, remembering how the death angel passed over the houses of the Hebrews, and they were freed from bondage. Another instance is the memorial of stones the Hebrews made after crossing the Jordan, and Jacob's stone at Bethel, after the ladder dream. Jacob set up a stone pillar and poured oil it as a memorial of God'...

  Today, I was tired and for the most part stayed in a somewhat darkened house.  Numerous things were tried to make me feel better, to be more motivated, less lethargic, more hopeful, and less apathetic.  Foods and sleeping didn't seem to do much but consume time and bloat me. I am going outside.  The sun is shining, and it is still and hot. Hope lights up. I start moving.  I am splitting wood, breathing harder.   There is a feeling of  alive coming awake within me.  This is supposed to be my post-treatment bad crash day and it had been until I started moving and coming awake under the sun.   Life can be like the crash day, dark, lethargic, with fallen hopes.  But the Son is the Light, the Light of the world, and when we walk with Him, we will not walk in darkness but under the Light of the Lord.  To find the true Light, we must go outside of ourselves, outside of the darkness our limited vision that our small world has cr...

  DOWN THE RIVER WITHOUT A LIGHT   This is a piece I wrote many, many years ago, immediately after the experience described within this passage.      I tried to stay down the river tonight, but the mosquitoes ran me off.   All I had for a light was a flashlight with fast-fading batteries.   They faded completely.   I had to come about seven or eight uninhabited miles over a low river, full of snags, sandbars, and rock piles.   Surprisingly, I navigated the river blindly without hitting one log, rock, or sandbar.   Feeling my way up the river in the blackness, I had to trust to luck; no, not really luck.   Somewhere, something guided me.   I was surprised when huge logs would go brushing by, missing the boat by only a few feet.   Time and time again, I narrowly missed something I could not see.    Quite a scary thrill it is, coming up the river without a light, trusting only to faith.   Then again, wh...

  I was getting my cancer treatment when this neat-looking lady sat down in the chair beside me to get her own treatment.  She wasn't hard to talk to.  She sort of beamed hope from her smile and her demeanor.   We chatted about normal things, but soon the conversation came to our issues at hand- cancer.  Softly and plainly, she told me she had terminal lung cancer.  She didn't wince or fret in telling me the details, and she finished with a genuine smile that told me that, for her, God has got this. The conversation deepened as we talked of heaven and the peace of God in our lives.  She seemed healthy enough at the moment, but she seemed almost ready to go there.  She was an inspiration with her soft and gentle tone and the peaceful smile when she talked of heaven and when God would make all things new.  She didn't complain and say "why me," nor did she seem to have many regrets.  She smiled often and genuinely. She made my day. Pra...

  So, you want the freedom to hate religion, the freedom from religion?  OK.     But will you give the same freedom to those who have it, who practice it?  Oftentimes,   Christian freedom brought persecution for their faith. Is this because oftentimes they didn't live up to the faith they professed? Or was it because people of faith made them uncomfortable?  And then there is one faith persecuting another faith of a different doctrine.  All who believe will fail at living out their faith.  It goes with the territory of trying to be something better and higher than we were to God and the true exercise of our faith.   So it is worse to fail at trying than succeed at doing nothing? So if you fail by not trying to be anything, there is no shame or condemnation, but why persecute?  Why not just let the people of faith, any faith, just be happy with their own delusions as long as there is no injury to others? ...

  After some days of restricted breathing, I can breathe freely again.  There was some music playing, and I took it in with my breathing in and out.  It felt so good to be clear.  Then I breathed through my nose, and it went smoothly.    For this time in my life, God has restored the breath of life within me, and I find myself peaceful and so grateful.   Then I realized that, because of restricted breathing, because of the agony and frustration, I find myself more grateful to God than if I had never had a problem with breathing. Hardship brought me closer, relief, and knowing where and who it came from finds me grateful. Being grateful brings me peace, not because I believe things will always be great and there will never be restricted breathing for me again.   No, peace comes from gratitude, sure, but it comes from adding "nevertheless" in answer to whatever God brings me to. A Day Unlike Any Other Day by Marvin Dittfurth https://booklo...

  When Paul was struck down by the Lord Jesus on the road to Damascus, he first asked Who is this?  When Jesus identified Himself, Paul needed to say nothing more than, "What would you  have me do?" Before Paul even knew the plan, the cost, or where he was being sent, he was yielded.  His first act was surrender, and his first breath as a new man is a question of obedience.  There was no   bargaining or interest in self-preservation; it was the response of a person who had been undone and remade in a moment. When I thought I was undone and maybe going to die, I surrendered too, right there in the MRI tube at the hospital.  And, I bet Paul wondered like I did. Am I going to survive this?  If I survive, Lord, what would you have me to do?  I was undone and remade to serve God with whatever the rest of my life looked like.  God didn't give Paul an action plan for the rest of his life.  His instructions were just to go to this certain p...

 T hursday before Good Friday.  The upper room was secured for the Passover meal.  Jesus was teaching in Jerusalem.  The Passover meal was prepared.  There is a sense of heaviness and anticipation, and he talks of betrayal.  At sundown, when it was time for the Passover meal, Jesus washed the disciples' feet.  The betrayal was announced, and Judas left. The Lord's Supper is initiated: Take, eat, this is my body, this is the cup of the new covenant."  Then Jesus embarked on some of His most intimate teachings for the disciples and for us as well.  It is a farewell discourse, with a new commandment, that we are to love one another, with a promise of the Holy Spirit, with vine and the branches teaching, with warnings of persecution, and His prayer for the disciples and all future believers. Then they sang a hymn and walked to the Mount of Olives.  He then takes Peter, James, and John deeper into the garden and prays three times, "If it be p...

  Recently, it was my father's birthday.  Most years, I put his old boat in the water, get in it, and reminisce over the fine times we had together in that boat.  I remember that foggy river we traveled down at daylight, and his look when we got to that first throwline, and it had a large tug on it.  The struggle for me to net those large fish and the shared joy when the fish flapped back and forth in the bottom of the boat.   And there were times we just filled the back of that boat up with big catfish, and he smiled a smile I can still see as I paddled the boat now around the pond.  But it is only a pond now.  Life is not a wilderness sort of river you travel miles down to run lines.  Now, in the pond, the boat just goes around in circles until I pull it up on the bank and go about a life as limited as paddling in circles in the pond.   Shouldn't it be, though?  Doesn't life drift away like that?  I am decades older now,...

  Everyone who has run or biked a sizable hill knows the feeling.  At first, it isn’t too bad. Momentum carries you into the first part of the incline.  “This hill ain’t so bad!”     That is sort of how it is with youth.   Things come easily.   If we are blessed, the hill goes on for us; they keep coming at us.      Into the hill, the legs start to strain, and the breathing is getting more labored.   The arms have to pump harder to help out.   Now you see upon looking up that the hill seems so much longer and steeper than it did before—and harder. Yes, it gets harder almost with each step. So at this stage of life, the gloves start coming off for the youth. It goes on and on, pedal stroke upon pedal stroke, and we seem to be barely moving.  Dig down.  This is where the rubber meets the road.   We are youth growing up, becoming men and women in the real world.  Then, it seems, as we begin to approach the...

  They said I had AFIB and was at high risk of stroke if I don't take blood thinners.  They said that on blood thinners, I should be careful not to incur a serious wound, as the bleeding might be hard to stop.  They said my heart rate was too low and I could die in my sleep at any time.  They said all the plant-based eating and exercise, with no smoking,  no alcohol, and trying to get plenty of rest, means little, as I was like all the rest in this condition, with essentially one foot in the grave and doctor-dependent.  My whole life future was articulated in a 10-15 minute doctor consultation.   I could have believed maybe I didn’t have long to live. But, they didn't really know that.  God does.  The lack of confidence in the medical profession and the dire prospects predicted by them for my life drove me straight to God.  I considered that I might be getting prepared to meet Him, but I was peaceful about it.  God and I go...

  The hawk flew low and into the wind on this clear day.  He screamed defiance at the world below as he made his way into the strong wind.  Many times, he screamed as his flight carried him directly over my head.  Quite unexpectedly, I felt a sense of awe for this bird’s audacity and his spirit.    Awe turned to envy; envious of the truly free.   Am I but a trained falcon; tethered by a cord, tasting limited episodes of freedom on a short leash?   The wild hawk takes his own chances and pays his own dues.   Many nights he is cold; he is sometimes hungry; most times alone; but he is always free.   Then the envy turned to a slight touch of sadness for all that’s been lost.  

  Shouldn’t have done it.   Knew better.   But “want to get this done” took over.   This pasture needs mowing, and I want to finish it today.   My tractor wouldn’t work.   How can I get this done?   Oh yeah, borrow my friend’s tractor.   He said, “Just come and get it anytime.”   He’s gone for a few days.   Why not?   Because he is a picky-picky about stuff, guaranteed to find something you did to his tractor you shouldn’t have.   The offer was a trap, and you know it.   But he’s not home.   And you need to get this pasture mowed.   I just couldn’t seem to help myself.   I was incensed to get that pasture mowed today or that night, as it was getting late. So I drove over to his place about five miles away.   I started his tractor up and drove it to my place.   I noticed the key was a little loose in the ignition, but it seemed to be holding up well.   It was just getting dark when I st...

  Do our circumstances determine our attitude?  Is the weather in our lives the determinant of how we feel about life, how we embrace life, how we see God? Do we resent having to go through all these hardships when you supposedly gave your heart and life to a loving God?   Are we living by feeling rather than faith? Or, are we content in our faith no matter the circumstances?  Are we at peace, and like Paul, who said he learned that in whatever state he was in, to be content? In doing so, do we move closer to a life lived by faith? Have we fully submitted our lives to God and trust God, no matter what?  It's not that easy sometimes. It's a learning and growing experience, and it means allowing God's power to  come into our weakness so He can give us the power to "do all things through Him that strengtheneth me."  Amen

    In our darkest moments, we don’t need solutions or advice.   What we yearn for is simply human connection- a quiet presence, a gentle touch.   These small gestures are the anchors that hold us steady when life feels like too much.   Please don’t try to fix me.   Don’t take on my pain or push away my shadows.   Just sit beside me as I work through my own inner storms.   Be the steady hand I can reach for as I find my way My pain is mine to carry, my battles mine to face.   But your presence reminds me I’m not alone in this vast, sometimes frightening world.   It’s a quiet reminder that I am worthy of love, even when I feel broken.   So, in those dark hours when I lose my way, will you just be here?   Not as a rescuer, but as a companion. Hold my hand until the dawn arrives, helping me remember my strength.   Your silent support is the most precious gift you can give.   It's a love that helps me remember who I...

  Inside me is another person.   That person is greater than myself.   He is the person I aspire to be. The person I could be, but haven’t reached quite high enough yet.      My performances and conduct are constantly being monitored by him for his approval or disapproval.   He is not a conscience.   Right or wrong are involved, but not in the traditional sense.   What is traditionally called right or wrong is often contradicted by my other self.   I find myself doing the right thing according to him and the wrong thing according to traditional concepts of right and wrong.     Pleasing everyone else is not nearly as important to me as pleasing this “other self,” this higher self, that I am called to be.   This self is hard to live with when I let him down.   Therefore, my performance and or behavior is not necessarily judged in terms of others, but in respect of how good he thinks I can or should be.   ...